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09 July 2008 @ 04:06 pm
Innocence of Seduction (Chapter Six)  
Title: Innocence of Seduction
Written By: Perriwynkkle
Pairing: JaeHoMin
Genre: Romance/Comedy
Rating: NC-17: For language and sexual situations
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys, SM Entertainment does...plagerism is not welcome. 
Length: Chapter 6/8

Changmin loves both Jaejoong and Yunho, but how will he ever get them to realise it? 

Author's Note: Just thought I should let people know...I don't have a BETA...at all, I never have been able to find one and no one has offered anyways...so yeah...if there are mistakes, that is one reason why.

The ride home that night after their recording session was to say the least, tedious. Changmin could feel the stress and nervous tension hanging in the air over his band’s heads in the small, cramped van. The blacked out windows didn’t help anything much, only succeeding in making the small space he had sitting in between Yoochun and Junsu even more claustrophobic.
Changmin had felt bad after leaving Yunho from a very heated kiss in the back stairwell that morning. But he loved both Jaejoong and Yunho, and Changmin didn’t know if both of them would ever realize his feelings, and it made his heart hurt.
Folding his long arms over his chest, Changmin looked up to the front of the van, his eyes scanning quickly over the sleeping bodies of his older flames. Yunho’s eyelids fluttered silently as he rolled his expertly coifed head away from Jaejoong’s sideways tilted mouth that had been blowing a slight breeze out to ruffle Yunho’s bangs. They looked so content, so beautiful together, and Changmin knew he didn’t belong in the completed picture. He wasn’t bold enough, funny enough, talented or attractive enough to really be loved by either of the handsome men. 
Although he had been quite successful in seducing them, it hadn’t worked in the way he had planned, and it confused him to no end. Changmin was sexy, and he knew it, he just knew it wouldn’t be the only feeling he wanted from his two older hyungs.
As Changmin’s eyes closed, his headphones reciting an English song he barely understood, he silently gave up the fight. 
“Changmin?” Jaejoong whispered while poking his younger band mate. “Changminnie…hello! I really don’t want to have to carry you up the stairs; you’re quite heavy you know.”
Changmin’s eyes opened slightly, their sparkling brown shoots of color landing on Jaejoong’s soft white face, glowing from the pale lights of the van roof.
“Hey sleepy head, time to wake up and walk up stairs, then you can fall back asleep.” Jaejoong whispered once again as he smiled and crawled out backwards through the double doors of the van, helping Changmin out with a long fingered hand.
“Sorry Jaejoong, I didn’t notice we were here already.” Changmin groaned as his tired legs successfully attempted to keep the man in the upright position. Jaejoong grabbed his younger mate’s arm, giggling,
“Well, you should have seen Junsu trying to crawl over your half-dead body. He hit his head twice on the roof of the car…it made me feel sorry for him…a little bit.”
Changmin chuckled, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his knuckles, “Serves him right for making those stupid oyagi gags all the damn time.”
Jaejoong smiled as he watched Changmin rub his eyes once more, entranced by the man’s innocent ways, even at the not-exactly young age of 19.
Entering the stairwell, they walked silently to their floor, Jaejoong catching a glance at Changmin’s butt in front of him as he escalated the stairs.
“Very nice.” Jaejoong muttered, Changmin turning around to look at his friend in confusion.
“Hyung, did you say something?” Changmin asked, Jaejoong blushing slightly as he replied,
“No, I didn’t say anything.” Jaejoong breathed a sigh of relief as Changmin didn’t reply but turned around and resumed his climbing of the concrete. 
Reaching the top of the stairs, Jaejoong stopped behind Changmin as the younger pulled a metal door open to reveal the long carpeted hallway that lead to their apartment. Their footfalls making slight rubbing noises, Jaejoong looked up from his feet and stared slightly at the back of his band-mate’s head. Changmin’s hair was slightly ruffled and tangled from how he had lay in the car seat back in the van, the shiny brown waves heavy from all the product used to keep it in its delicate stage style. 
Walking slightly faster, Jaejoong walked up right next to Changmin as they neared their apartment door, replying,
“God, you walk fast even when your tired.”
Changmin smiled and looked down at his hyung,
“No, you just have short legs.”
Jaejoong scoffed, crossing his hands over his chest and pouting slightly, just as he had done that morning with Yunho.
“Well geez, sorry for being slightly less longitudinal…why are you so snappy?”
Changmin’s walking let up as he slowed to a stop, his hand remaining still on the door handle he was about to turn. Sighing, Changmin looked down to Jaejoong, turning slightly so he could face him without craning his neck.
“I am not being snappy…I am just…” Changmin’s face pulled into a concentrated pout as the thought of a word to describe his emotions. “I am just….frustrated, I guess.”
Jaejoong’s own pout disappeared as he heard the word, his arms slacking in their crossed state.
“Oh?” He asked, his eyes looking up through thick black lashes. “Could I ask why you might be frustrated?” Changmin looked unsure, his large brown eyes falling from Jaejoong’s face to the carpeted floor, his feet shuffling. Jaejoong unraveled his arms to place a hand on Changmin’s shoulder, the contact making his heart beat rapidly.
“Come on Minnie, you shouldn’t let problems eat at you. Just tell me so that maybe I can help you….I wouldn’t feel like your hyung if I don’t say or do anything.”
Changmin smiled slightly, although it had looked more like a grimace from the way his lips stayed sealed together, teeth hidden from view.
“Changmin.” Jaejoong said, his mouth pulled into a frown of concern. “Please, just tell me what is wrong…you don’t have to tell anyone else, I can keep a secret.”
Changmin sighed, placing his hand over Jaejoong’s still laying on his shoulder. “Promise you won’t laugh.”
Jaejoong smiled, but then quickly turned it to a frown, trying to keep his composure, even though Changmin looked too adorable standing there nervous in front of him.
“Alright I won’t laugh.” Jaejoong said, but Changmin glared at him. “I’m serious! Can’t you trust me?” Changmin’s glare turned into a sparkle-eyed blush as he waited a second, soon replying,
“I feel left out.”
Jaejoong was left confused as he gushed, “Left out from what?”
Changmin rolled his eyes, “From our group, from this.” Changmin said as he waved his left hand to point to the door for emphasis of his words.
“Why would you feel that way?” Jaejoong asked, trying to be the good hyung he always wanted to be.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Changmin continued, his face flushing in escalating anger, “You have Yunho, and Junsu and Yoochun are best friends. So why the hell am I here? Extra baggage?”
Jaejoong stared up at Changmin, he had never seen the boy so angered in his life, and it really surprised and enticed him.
“I will never be as good looking or talented as the rest of you, so I feel like I have to work extra hard to improve, but I can still never surpass you all. Have you noticed that when we go on talk shows, no one ever asks me an important question? And when they do it is something like, ‘oh, what did you eat today’ or something else retarded! I will always be considered the young baby, when in reality I am 19 years old, almost twenty, and have had way more education than all freaking four of you! Every time I try to be funny I only end up hurting people’s feelings or not being funny enough for tv producers and I am cut out of the shows we’re on.”
Jaejoong still stared; he was too confounded by Changmin’s reaction to even move. “Changmin…I…”
“Just let me finish Jae!” Changmin shouted, the tears starting to fall out of his eyes that had been building up from his first sentence.
“The worst part is that ever since training, I have never felt like a part of this group as a whole. You realize that ever since you and Yunho hooked up, that Junsu and Yoochun rarely ever come out of their computer room, only to grab dinner and then retreat because they are too busy hoofing it up back there to care to hang out with me. So I am stuck on the couch reading books and surfing the net for god knows how long, cause you two are too busy fucking to talk to me!”
Jaejoong pulled his hand off Changmin’s shoulder trying to interrupt, “Changmin, please…”
“I said let me finish!” he shouted, once again starting his story, the tears flowing freely down his red cheeks and leaving dark marks on his jacket. “Since you two are too busy fucking, so fucking lust-filled to notice that I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU AND YUNHO, MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD….but I can’t do anything to prove to you that I am worth your time. I can’t even seduce you without the fear of you two breaking up…I only want to be with both of you.” Changmin sobbed, his voice now a whisper as he finished. “I want to feel what you and Yunho feel every morning, being woken by a kiss and a smile…not a white washed wall.”
Changmin ended there, his sobs slowing as his body pulled deep breaths in and out of his lungs as he turned to face away from Jaejoong.
“Changmin….Min…oh my god.” Jaejoong said, he really had no words for the man slightly sobbing in front of him. Jaejoong stuttered a while, his mouth opening but no words escaping…it was like he was underwater, his voice muffled by the waves.
“Shit….” Changmin moaned and Jae looked up as he rammed the door open and flew to the bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. 
Jaejoong didn’t follow.
Changmin had been sitting alone on his bed for quite a while, and he knew it. But he knew he couldn’t leave the sanctuary of his warm bed, if he did he would have to confront Jaejoong and Yunho, something he wasn’t ready to approach. 
After he had yelled at Jaejoong for god knows how long, he had locked himself into their shared bedroom, embarrassed and ashamed of what he had said and done. He hadn’t meant for it to turn out this way, the feelings weren’t supposed to come out like that. 
It wasn’t the elegant, seductive…mature, way of doing it, it had been more like the ending of a really bad nightmare, the emotions had come out in one big whoosh. 
He really hadn’t meant to yell at Jaejoong, that wasn’t his intentions, but he had held his feelings back for far too long, and it had sure ended in a big finish.
“Shit.” Changmin repeated for the hundredth time that night, pulling his knees even closer to his torso as he curled into ball on his mattress, the covers sitting in a big wad at his feet.
Changmin stared across the room to the thin wooden door, then to the clock on the wall. It was 8pm, meaning no one was going to bed any time soon, so at least he had some time alone, although he had been in there for over an hour already. Looking down, Changmin spotted Yunho’s bed, the Bambi doll laying at the foot, the face aimed right at him. Changmin glared at the doll’s black glass eyes,
“What are you staring at?” he asked of the stuffed forest animal, not expecting a reply. “God I really have gone insane…I am talking to a stuffed toy!” Changmin moaned into his pillow, his hand smacking the mattress below him.
Changmin started daydreaming when a knock came through the door and hit his ears, he didn’t respond as the sound came again.
He heard a sigh, and a soft voice, known to be Junsu’s came through the thin wood. “Changmin it is dinner time if you want to join us, if not you can make a plate later.” Changmin heard the slight pounding of feet disappear as Junsu walked off to eat, and Changmin then smelled the salty aroma of instant ramen flow through the crack at the bottom of the door.
Jaejoong had not cooked, he knew that, since instant ramen was never made unless Jaejoong decided he was to tired or not well enough to partake in his favorite past time.
Changmin knew he must have been way out of line when he screamed at Jaejoong…he had sounded so selfish and cruel and full of himself. The feeling of guilt that ran through him at that moment made him want to puke; he really shouldn’t have said all the things he had.
“Why am I so stupid?” Changmin whined as he stood up, tired of lying on his bed and walked over to the mirror hanging in the far left corner of the room.
Looking back on his reflection, the red, puffy eyes and pink cheeks staring back at him were definitely not something to be proud of. Pulling on his cheeks, Changmin closed his eyes and took a deep breath…he was hungry and he had to leave the dreary room sometime.
“Might as well be a man about it, live up to mistakes.” Changmin told himself, pulling on a t-shirt and sweater over the boxers he had changed into. 
Examining himself once more, Changmin knew it was the best he was going to look after how much he had cried and quietly opened the door, walking silently to the dining room, the table filled except for one chair.
Junsu and Yoochun looked up from their bowls of noodles, Yunho’s face not far behind, smiling and happy to see him out of his cushy prison.
“Hey Min…welcome back to civilization.” Yoochun said a little too loudly for Changmin’s liking as Changmin sat down quietly at the table next to Jaejoong who hadn’t said a word or spoken to him since his outburst in the hallway.
It was going to be an awkward meal.
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